


Nicotine

by emmaliza



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Barebacking, Deep Throating, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorders, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 19:48:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18058901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmaliza/pseuds/emmaliza
Summary: There are things Gary can only allow himself once in awhile. Cigarettes is one. Unhealthy food is another.And then, there's Robbie.





	Nicotine

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired, vaguely, by the thing in "A Better Me" where Gary says he officially quit smoking years ago, but he gets one cigarette a year, on his birthday. That got... kinda out of hand.

Gary's hands twitch with nerves as he waits outside Robbie's door, darting his head from side to side, worried someone might see him. He reminds himself he has no reason to be. This isn't a secret, exactly; this isn't some sleazy motel hook up. No, this is a five star resort that befits one of the biggest male pop stars the world's ever seen, and he and Robbie are old friends. Him visiting Rob in his hotel room makes perfect sense, and doesn't need to be kept quiet at all.

What they do in there, on the other hand...

When Rob opens the door he comes out in nothing but his boxer shorts, which could be suspicious but it is Robbie. "Gaz!" he breaks into a wide, boyish grin and rushes forward to embrace him like they haven't seen each other in years. "I missed you."

Gary's soon overwhelmed by the sheer force of Rob's body surrounding him. He smells of cigarettes and sugar, and that scent makes Gary bite his lip, cravings worsening. Embarrassingly, his dick is already perking up just thanks to being so close to Rob's mostly-naked body, and you'd think he was too old for that. You'd think they're both too old for this. He winds his arms around Rob's lower back, but he won't let his hands drift any lower until the door is closed. "Me too," he whispers against the tattooed skin; he can taste the faint sheen of sweat on Robbie's neck, and it makes him want to lick it clean.

His fingers twitch needily against Rob's back, and he turns to hide his face in the other man's shoulder to keep himself under control. Finally, thankfully, Robbie closes the door behind them. “Somebody's eager,” he whispers in Gary's ear once they're safe, only a little smug, but with that strange joy in his voice he gets whenever he isn't the most desperate of the two of them for once.

Gary's come far enough he doesn't bother to deny it; he just looks up and nods, threading both hands through Rob's hair and dragging him down for a kiss. Rob lets him easily, mouth opening up and letting Gary plumb his depths. His lips taste of candy and the back of his throat, like acrid smoke; the combination should be disgusting but it goes right to Gary's pleasure centre and has him keening in further, searching for more. The nicotine hum that enters his veins is probably just placebo, but it's enough, it spurs Gary on.

Rob is even less subtle than he is, immediately going for Gary's fly and rubbing him through his jeans. Gary's already much harder than he ought to be, and you'd think he was getting too old for that. You'd think they both are.

“Didn't exactly dress up, did ya?” Rob chuckles against his lips. “C'mon, Gaz, you know how much I like you in a suit and tie.”

Gary shudders a little against the door frame. He does know that, and often the few times this happens he's been dressed up special, backstage after a concert or in the car before they leave. Robbie might have a bit of a thing about debauching him, he suspects. “Next time,” he promises with another kiss, softer this time. “I thought it'd look too suspicious.” He can get away with showing up at Robbie's room without reason, but dressing up like his favourite masturbatory fantasy before he does so, not so much.

Not that he would mind.

He pushes forward, guiding Rob toward the bed, jeans slipping down his thighs. Rob walks back readily, trusting Gary not to lead him astray, and lies back on the bed readily. Gary more trips than lies down, but Rob catches him in his arms. “Easy, Gaz,” he teases. “We've got time.”

The sentence hits Gary strangely, and he tries to hide his wince. They've got time, but not much. They never do – a couple of hours, that's all they ever allow themselves, and then they go back to being friends and off-again-on-again bandmates and happily married men with no good reason to stray. Sometimes, Gary still thinks they should try and break it off for good, but he knows it's never going to happen.

“I _want you,_ ” he growls in a voice that does not sound like him, and watches as Rob's eyes go wide. He steals the air from his lungs with another rough kiss, fills himself with it.

Rob lets him, sinking into the mattress and opening himself up. Gary can feel him, hard as stone and rubbing his cock against Gary's through their underwear. “Gaz,” he breaks the kiss to whine breathlessly, pulling insistently at the hem of his t-shirt.

Gary leans up to pull it off hurriedly, and feels a little surge of vanity at Rob's admiring look. That quickly fades though, as he sees the doubt creep into Rob's eyes. “You've been working out again,” he mutters.

After all these years, Gary can see what that means, and leans down to kiss him softly again. “You look amazing, Rob,” he insists. They're both always worried about their weight, and both struggle to keep their bodies how they want them. Rob is maybe less dilligent about it, but to be fair, he's never let it get quite so out of hand as he has, doesn't have that constant lingering memory of just how bad things can get.

Rob snorts. “If you say so,” he says, and Gary sighs, realising that's the best he'll get. They kiss again, lips smacking together loudly, and Gary opts to distract Rob with his body, rubbing on top of him and proving it, dammit.

“Gaz...” Rob sighs as Gary moves away from his mouth, sucking at his neck softly – he's not dumb enough to leave a hickey, unfortunately – and tracing the letters along his collarbone with his tongue. “Please...”

His hands twitch by his sides and Gary reaches out and grabs them, squeezing them warmly. “I've got you, Rob.”

Rob, for all his posturing, in many ways is still the young, vulnerable kid he met when he was nineteen. He craves being taken care of. Gary does his best to take care of him, although he's not always sure he knows how. Perhaps he's afraid that if he doesn't, if he can't love Rob enough, then Rob will conclude he's just being used, will hate him like he did in the nineties ( _I never hated you, Gaz,_ Rob has told him a million times, and Gary still wishes he could make himself believe it) – they'd end up in the exact same place they started out, and then what?

He kisses his way down Rob's belly, and maybe he's rushing but they only have so much time. Rob groans as Gary pulls his boxers out of the way, cock springing out red and swollen. Gary bites his lip. Rob's poked fun at him before for the fact he doesn't just do this for Rob's sakes, he really does _like_ sucking his cock. _Well, I've not smoked in almost twenty years,_ he said (a lie, technically), _got to keep my mouth busy somehow._

“Gaz!” Rob cries out as Gary swallows him down, abruptly and without warning. He clutches at Gary's short hair for support, and Gary just closes his eyes and lets him, being guided wherever Rob wants him. He bobs his head fair too certainly for someone who hasn't done this in months, if not years, and drinks in the taste of him, the salt and musk that fills his throat. He likes the way Rob's hot skin slides between his lips, along his tongue, against the roof of his mouth. He knows Rob still worries that he's a little on the smaller side down there, just like a teenager really, but Gary's never had any complaints – not that he has a lot to compare to.

He coughs a little when he feels Rob push against his gag reflex. Robbie's clearly trying to hold back, Gaz can feel his thighs tremble with the effort, but he's never had the best self control. He moans and pushes himself down further. Usually, he hates it when he feels anything back there; it just drags him back to that horrible time fifteen years ago when he did this to himself because it was the only way he could think of to solve how he could not stop abusing his body.

But it's different, with Rob. When Rob fucks his throat, the ache there leaves him feeling guilty, but it also gives him the thrill of a dirty secret. It reminds him of the one thing he lets himself have, sometimes, and not all the things he can't.

It's not as if he thinks Dawn doesn't know. They've never talked about it, but she's always been able to see straight through him. He doesn't think she minds, really, so long as he always comes back to her in the end – and there's only one person who could ever tempt him into anything else, but so long as Gary only lets himself be with him once in a blue moon, it's okay. He thinks.

As for Ayda, he really has no idea, but given this is the woman who calls him Robbie's boyfriend and jokes about how close they are on Instagram, he wouldn't be surprised if she knew, and was all for it. Maybe she gets off on it. Gary isn't sure how he feels about that.

It's easier than it should be, really, to just relax his jaw and take Robbie all the way down, adam's apple bulging out. Rob makes a needy noise and grabs his hair more desperately. “Gaz... Gaz...” he manages to be quieter, which is a relief. Gary can't exactly tell him to shush. He's not sure he'd want to.

Rob's hands guide him up and down, up and down, and Gary can hear the way his throat _glug_ s as Rob's cock pushes in and out. “You're so good at this, Captain... so good to me...” and Gary hums in contentment, because he does try.

He can feel the tremble spread from Robbie's thighs and up to his stomach, his shoulders, his hands. He's gasping and arching off the bed, and he's about to come, clearly – Gary doesn't mind at all. He pulls back a little, lapping at the head to push Rob over the edge, when he's pushed back abruptly. “Wait, Gaz.”

He stops, opening his eyes and looking up curiously. He wipes the saliva from his sore lips with the back of his hand. “Is something wrong?” he asks.

And Rob looks down at him with those eyes, those beautiful green eyes that could never hide anything. He shakes his head, but doesn't speak. Instead, he pushes three fingers toward Gary's mouth, tapping his bottom lip tellingly.

Gary opens his mouth and sucks them in. He's not sure why, what Rob is playing at, but he doesn't mind – maybe Rob just wants to see him giving head some more without having to risk coming too soon, but if so, there are worse things.

He coats those fingers thoroughly with his saliva, but as soon as he does Rob pulls them back out. Gary peers up curiously to see Rob smirk at him, one hand wrapped around his dick. _He's pushing it out of the way,_ Gary realises, as with a heavy sigh Rob reaches behind his balls and starts rubbing at his hole with his fingers, slick with Gary's spit. He blinks. _Oh._

He doesn't let his surprise show however. “Mate, if that's what you're after I hope you brought proper lube,” he chuckles.

And with a tiny huff, Robbie nods. “Yeah, top drawer. I'm not that bloody irresponsible.”

Gary winces. He was only teasing, he wasn't trying to make Rob feel bad about anything. “Hey, I didn't mean it like that,” he insists, pushing himself up and kissing him again, before leaning over to the drawer.

He grabs the bottle without examining it closely. He doesn't bother looking for a condom at the same time. He _should_ , since it's not like they're in a committed relationship or anything, but they are both with other people and Gary knows there are only two people he's been with in the past twenty five years, so he can't bring himself to worry about it too much.

(Technically speaking, he can't know he's Robbie's only bit on the side, but he couldn't believe anything else. Maybe that makes him a fool.)

Rob bites his lip. “Yeah, I know. Soz.” Then the slips one fingertip inside and gasps shallowly, warming himself up.

While he's busy, Gary takes a moment to drink in the view, absent-mindedly squeezing his long neglected dick through his briefs. Robbie can be so very vulnerable with him, and he appreciates it, but he doesn't think it will ever stop surprising him. Still, it tells him Rob trusts him, and that means a lot. More than it should.

Then he remembers what Rob is asking him for here, and gently nudges his arm out of the way. “C'mon, let me.”

Rob complies, laying his spit-slick fingers by his side while Gary efficiently coats his own in the lube. “ _Oh_ ,” he moans when Gary slides two into him, and fuck, they go so easy. Gary's heart skips a beat. “Ngh, yes Gaz,” he says as he draws his legs up, spreading them wider, keening to have Gary's fingers deeper inside. “Fuck, your hands. Your hands are bloody perfect for this, you bastard.”

Gary has to laugh. “All that piano, good for something.” He crooks his fingers then, finds Rob's prostate and plays it like his keyboard. He gets a muffled scream.

“ _Fuck_!”

“Shh,” he hurriedly leans over, kissing Rob again. “Someone might hear us.”

There's an awkward pause, and Gary feels like a cock for saying it. Whenever they do this, they try to avoid acknowledging the thought they're not meant to, and they have to keep it secret – at least out loud. The thought is never far from the surface of Gary's mind. He's not sure if it is from Rob's.

He desperately doesn't want to be the person he was in the nineties, using Robbie for whatever he wanted and never caring how it affected _him_ (although they weren't shagging back then, for the record) – he doesn't think that is what he's doing. He cares what happens to Rob, very much so. He doesn't want to be the one who fucks up his life, once he's finally got it sorted out. Rob has a wife and kids to worry about, people he takes care of and people who take care of him. Gary isn't going to be the one to ruin all that because of how badly, how selfishly, he wants him.

He thinks.

Rob groans as Gary pushes a third finger inside, and that solves the impasse. “Mm, yes.” He's squirming, pressing kisses to Gary's shoulders as he's split open. “Love you,” he murmurs.

Gary nods. “Me too.” It hurts admitting it, but he can hardly deny it with three fingers up Robbie's arse, can he?

“Fuck, I'm ready. Fuck, Gaz, I'm ready.” Rob pushes him away and Gary raises an eyebrow. He's not quite sure he believes that, but he knows better than to argue. Just in case he was thinking of it, Robbie looks up at him with begging eyes, eyes Gary can't imagine anyone saying no to. “I want you _inside_ me,” he says.

And well, Gary understands that.

After a second, Rob looks down and laughs. “You might wanna take those off first, though,” he says, and starts peeling Gary's briefs away before Gary even remembered he was wearing them.

“..Right,” he says, a little bemused, while Robbie just grins and wraps a hand around his dick, finding him hard and wet, moaning at the barest touch.

“C'mon, Gaz,” Rob whispers. “You know what you want.”

They shuffle into position, just before Gary remembers to grab the lube and apply it to his dick, just in case. When he rubs the head of his cock up against Robbie's tight hole, he groans, feeling the tight heat ready to suck him in and wanting it, always desperately wanting it, no matter how rarely he lets himself have it.

He thrusts inside, feeling Rob's nails dig into his shoulders as he takes it, kissing beneath his jawline almost worshipfully. “Mm... Gary... please...”

Their mouths find each other as he buries himself deep. _Oh god, more,_ he thinks as Rob's tight hole swallows him up, thick thighs wrapping around his waist, like they're never going to let him go. _Please, I want this. Every day and every night, I_ want _this._

He grabs Rob by the hip to hold him still as he starts to push in and out, fucking him until he whines, biting on Gary's shoulder to keep from screaming. That only spurs Gary on. He loves having Rob like this for him, spread open and vulnerable, willing to take whatever he gives. He wants Rob to adore him, and he knows that selfish, but Rob doesn't show any reluctance to do just that so, how bad can it be?

“Fuck, _yes_ ,” Rob moans in his ear as Gary quickens his pace, eyes going cross-eyed from the waves of pleasure washing over him. “Fuck me, yes, just like that, faster, harder, faster you bastard, oh fuck, fuck Gaz, I love you, I love you so much, don't stop please...”

Gary couldn't if he tried. He just keeps pummeling in to rhythm of Robbie's begging, chasing a level of pure pleasure he only ever finds here, where he forgets everything that could and should and should not be, gets lost in the wonder of Rob's body, inviting him in and letting itself by conquered, yet claiming him as its own at the same time. He doesn't know. He doesn't know much beyond the fact he wants it, and he'll risk anything for it.

He couldn't tell you how long this lasts, only that he's sure it's over far too soon, him smothering a cry in Rob's dark hair (now going just the slightest bit silver, but he doesn't mind, and doesn't have room to judge). He shivers as he feels Rob's knuckles brush against his belly while he wanks himself off, the letters L-O-V-E rubbing off on him. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” Rob gasps and Gary comes first, barely, biting his lips 'til they bleed to keep from screaming as he empties himself into Robbie's arse. Rob's lips find the crook of his neck, sucking down to keep himself quiet as he spills messily between their bodies – that will definitely leave a mark, and that's worth worrying about, but...

Maybe Gary falls asleep then – he is getting old – because the next thing he knows he's curled up on Rob's chest, blearily blinking his way back into existence. The smell of smoke fills the room. “Hey.” When he looks up, he sees Rob above him, cigarette in hand. That's the one addiction he's never been able to quit... probably. Maybe there's one other.

Gary's pretty sure they're not meant to smoke in these rooms; even people as famous as them can't get away with it anymore, but nobody's knocking down the door and Gary can't bring himself to tell Rob off. Rob looks down at him earnestly.

“You want a smoke, mate?”

He knows he shouldn't. He wasn't even a smoker before this band, and he hasn't properly been one for almost twenty years. And yet, when Rob takes one from the packet and lights it for him, he takes it without question, because of course he does.

The nicotine fills his lungs and makes him shiver. Then they're left entwined in each other's arms, cigarette in each of their hands. Gary has his addictions, and this is one. Food is another. Rob, Rob is the worst of them all.

Rob pulls him into another kiss, and they share a hazy, smoky reality. Gary knows that this is never going to end.

 


End file.
